BND

So here it is, Buy Nothing Day, and I'm sitting in a mall.

A mall filled to the gills with shoppers straining under the weight of their purchases.

Loaded down (looking eerily like pack mules) looking to make their next purchase.

Looking to "save" more money!

It is Black Friday.

It is the busiest shopping day on the American consumer's calender. Credit cards are melting from the non-stop swiping. Consumer debt will continue to grow today as shoppers will find those things they must have.

They can't live without.

Their homes are already full but they will find more room for more stuff.

I just spent $3.

On Buy Nothing Day.

I'm mad.

But I showed up to work at the same time as another optometrist. He wasn't supposed to be there today but everybody forgot to tell him. So being the patsy I am I volunteered to come back in a few hours and we would split the day.

So I bought a cookie.

And a drink.

I had no where else to go.

And I sit in a mall on Buy Nothing Day and ponder all of the things I've purchased in my life.

All of the things I don't need.

Like this computer.

Although I use it I'm sure Swell and I don't each need one. Yet we both have computers and all of the associated computer paraphernalia that I needed.

Ipod? Check.
PSP? Check.
External hard drives? Check.

I shaved yesterday.

If you see pictures of me throughout my adulthood you'll see stark changes in my appearance.

The less I'm enjoying "life" the more homeless I let myself look. (I'll forgo telling the story of one of the proudest moments in my life. Most of you have heard the story of the concerned couple asking my sister if she knew me, and if she thought I needed a warm meal and a place to stay. Awesome!)

Its my pseudo-rebellion against the man. I may have to participate in Western society but I won't look the part.

After a few weeks of this I invariably realize how stupid I am and clean myself up a little (although I refuse to cut my hair more than twice a year. I HATE getting my hair cut).

Swell and I have both been unhappy with where we are. Money hates us.

More accurately knowing what to do with money is difficult for us.

Do we pay loans back more quickly?
Do we give more away?
Do we give money to distant poverty stricken relatives or spend money to send them stuff?
How much do we set aside to pay our taxes?
Are we going to go to jail because our tax situation is going to be a nightmare this year (thanks in no small part to our employers purposeful misuse of us as independent contractors)?

Furthermore, we have no strong desire to be optometrists. We have no passion for optometry, although we enjoy it. It isn't our lives. It doesn't give us a great deal of purpose in life although it is quickly consuming our entire lives.

Between Swell's hideous commute and our longish work days we've become the fabulous wake up-go to work-come home-eat-sleep duo.

No friends (me=Thank God, Swell=boo hoo).
No hobbies.
No family nearby.
No direction.

I think that's why this Nome opportunity is attractive to us. Its something different. It will break us out of our doldrum.

But it does nothing to further our lives.

It doesn't help us move forward.

We've done a lot of lateral movements in the five years we've been married. Hopping from thing to thing without any long term direction.

We're trying to gain that long-term direction by opening/buying our own practice but in our selfishness (that's not really the right word...) we don't want owning a practice to cramp our other opportunities. Its a catch 22. We can't continue to live here and work for others but we can't move anywhere else and work for others as we'll go broke.

So we'll devote our lives to owning a small business and this will make the pursuit of money (not necessarily in a bad way) become a central theme of our lives. We, after all, will have bills to pay, payroll to meet, etc.

This raises a whole bunch of other questions that is difficult for us to grapple with.

Do we open on Buy Nothing Day?
Will there be a market for an optometry practice dedicated to helping eradicate poverty, injustice, and inequity? (We plan on setting aside a certain percentage of income/profit? to give to yet to be determined NGOs. We will advertise (internally) this fact.)
Is it possible to find fair trade spectacle frames? Lenses?
Will we be able to pursue other interests outside of a small business without killing ourselves or the practice?

These and other questions weigh on our hearts and minds as we scrounge to survive a life we dislike. While we continue to work for money rather than enjoyment. While we continue to live lonely lives.

So in rebellion I became homely homeless looking.

What did that accomplish? Nothing. But it felt good to rebel.

We will continue our rebellion in our Christmas gift purchases.

We will continue our rebellion by refusing to participate in the busiest shopping day of the year (aside from my cookie and drink... I suck).

We will continue our rebellion by being small business owners who own a business that treats employees fairly and desires to leave lasting change in the world.

We will continue our rebellion by trying to forgo the trappings of wealth.

We will continue our rebellion by...?