Me

So today was the day to once again escape Nablus and head to Israel. This time we were to spend the day in Old Jerusalem.

I’ve been to Jerusalem before – 1999 with a group of Amigos (a student led eye care group based at Pacific University College of Optometry) and it doesn’t bring back great memories.

The first time I was in Jerusalem it was my first time out of North America and I was with a rather large group. We visited Jerusalem toward the end of our trip. The beginning of our trip was spent in a town near Bethlehem as well as the Gaza Strip doing “eye care”. (I put eye care in quotes because as I look back we weren’t really caring for the people or their eyes. Rather we were hindering the development of local, sustainable systems of eye health care all the while providing shoddy, unjust care.) Upon our arrival to Jerusalem (in 1999) one of the doctors who was on the trip with us took off on his own to see the Western Wall (the Wailing Wall) while I was forced to hang out with the large group. Our day was spent shopping - an activity that drives me crazy. I hate shopping with all of my heart. I feel guilty spending money – I’d rather use it for something else – and I have no use for cheap, gaudy souvenirs that just create clutter. I was able to see the Church of the Holy Sepulchre (where Jesus was crucified and buried – I had no idea the tomb was 20 feet from Golgotha) as well as the Via Dolorosa (the path which Jesus walked while carrying the cross). Neither impressed me that much so many years ago but I was willing to give it another shot.

So we left Nablus and went to the “easier” check stop which is on top of the mountain where the Samaritans live. We arrived at the check stop and changed cars – from the school van to our regular Israel driver – the same dude who took us to the airport last week. (He happens to speak Romanian so it’s a lot of fun. It’s as if I’m in Romania - the driver speaking Romanian, Swell and G. speaking Romanian back to him all while listening to Romanian music. I’m left sitting contemplating jumping out of the speeding car as I have no clue what is going on, just like in Romania.) We stop at the check stop where the Army dudes once again ask us many questions – this is the first time this has happened. Usually we’re just waved through. I think; “Great here we go again.” It turns out, however, that they are searching every car that leaves Nablus today. I’m not sure why they are searching all the cars but at least the Army dudes were apologetic.

During their questioning they ask G. what she was doing in Nablus. She replies: “Visiting.”. They ask: “Visiting who?” She mistakenly replies: “Them” as she nods at Swell and I.

Immediately the Army Dude asks me if we live in Nablus. I’m forced to explain that we’re just visiting the university. He forgets that G. told him she was visiting us while in Nablus and beings to lecture me on the dangers of living in Nablus pointing out that just yesterday 3 American women were kidnapped while in Nablus. He continues to explain that there is a lot of gun fire in Nablus (we haven’t heard much lately) and that the Israeli army if often entering Nablus. I know I’m not the smartest person in the world but I figure that if the Israeli army would stop entering Nablus some of the other problems might decrease if not stop but I don’t mention my logic to him. I just say we never left the University while in Nablus and that we felt very safe.

He lets us on our way and we drive to the hotel in Jerusalem.

We picked a hotel that was close to the old city so our driver drops us off and we get our room and put our stuff in it and walk over to the old city.

We enter Herod’s gate and find ourselves in the hustle and bustle of the old city of Jerusalem.

I’ll admit hear that I was raised in a very Christian family. We are far from perfect but as I grew up church played an integral part in my life. We were every Sunday we’re going to church people. We were on Christmas Eve we’ll have a cake that says “Happy Birthday Jesus” people. The whole family was active in many aspects of church life. I was at church camp every summer and Sunday school every week.

Growing up in the Church Israel was always talked about as a kind of mystic place that if you were lucky enough to visit you would feel the presence of God as you walked in the same land that Jesus walked. You would feel moved at following the Via Dolorosa because those were the same steps that Jesus took. Just stepping foot in Israel was promised to be a life changing experience.

While my faith differs drastically from the faith of the stereotypical evangelical western Christian I still feel like I should be feeling those things. I should be moved by being in the land of Abraham, Isaac and Jesus. I haven’t been to church in over a year – I don’t like church. We found one in Decatur that we kind of liked but got lazy and stopped going.

Is that why yet again I feel nothing in Jerusalem? I don’t think so. Jerusalem is like a giant shopping mall. When you enter the old city there are shops on either side. In the midst of these shops are some “holy” sights. My main goal this year was to see the Western Wall and the Dome of the Rock. Neither sight is a Christian sight but I wanted to see them, to experience them.

We wandered around and eventually came to the entrance to the Western Wall. We stopped for an early lunch and then entered through the security. Yet again, a sight in Israel that was disappointing. It was a lot smaller than I imagined. There were barriers blocking the view of the wall. I could have gone all the way up to the wall but I didn’t feel right doing it. I find it obnoxious when tourists enter areas that are important to some and do so with very little reverence or respect. I could see over the barrier and I could see the wall. I didn’t need to touch it. I didn’t need to hear the prayers. I didn’t need to experience it in that way. I’m not Jewish – that wall has no significance to me. I wanted to see it. I wanted to see the Orthodox Jews do their thing and experience it through them. I took pictures but felt guilty doing it. Is it an invasion of privacy to have to pray while hundreds of tourists gawk?

The Israelis are excavating right near the wall. Digging for something – who knows what so there is a tent covering some of the land. A very ugly wooden gang plank leads from the area in front of the wall to the area behind the wall – the Dome of the Rock and Al-Aqsa mosque. The gang plank is separated from the area near the wall by an ugly chain link fence. Not an impressive or awe inspiring sight.

It was still neat, however, to see some people at the wall – praying. Even neater was seeing a procession of Jews singing, and dancing as they led a young boy – soon to be man into the area for his Bar Mitzvah. He was obviously not Israeli having come from some other place – I guess the US because of his backwards baseball cap. Their was an Orthodox Jew blowing a horn while two young men played some type of drum and led the family in song and dance. The part that struck me the most was the emotion on the (I’m assuming) father’s face. Here he was in Israel with his son who was becoming a man singing in Hebrew in front of the Western Wall. He sang with tears. I watched with tears.

Even as one watches such a thing or one watches those at the wall one is unable to contemplate, to reflect too much due to the hordes of people, the cameras and the noise. It becomes something to look at. Something to check off of the list of things you’ve seen. It is hard for it to be an experience. It’s hard for it to be life changing. It just is. Most of Israel is like this. You just see. If you begin to reflect on something your reflection is soon interrupted by the call of a vendor or a large tour group muscling by you or stopping in front of you.

The Christian sights are by far the worse. They are simply hideous. The amount of gold and jewels is atrocious. This is where something of Christian importance is supposed to have happened and in true form we tarnish it with gaudy things. It loses its importance when one is distracted by the wealth that covers the sight. That gold, those jewels could have done so much in the world but instead it tarnishes what should be a place of piety, of the celebration of a humble man who forsook riches for the life of a minister. It mocks early Christianity and the call for the sharing of wealth. It disappoints as one reads about the internal fighting between the six denominations that take up the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. How much does this remind me of modern church? A lot is an understatement.

We continue to build multi-million dollar buildings complete with fountains and the finest audio-visual equipment. We do this to attract those around us. “We need to put on a show to put butts in the pews!” is the rallying cry. While we build these things, while we spend money on heating and cooling these monstrous buildings Africa dies. While we host event after event, while the barista makes the cappuccino in the church coffee shop our President fights a war in the name of God. While the pastor preaches about obtaining wealth, while the social secretary describes next months potluck real issues are ignored – poverty, injustice, hate crimes, inequity in health care, inequity in access to clean water sources. We give to our missionaries is the response. We’ve been giving to missionaries for hundreds of years – where are the results? We’re converting people! But you’re leaving them to die.

As we wandered around Jerusalem I thought back to my first visit. It was that visit – that trip in whole – that helped lead me to where I am today. I thought I was going to provide people with glasses. To be the great white saviour. They have no glasses, I’ve got a big box of recycled glasses, how could this go wrong? It went wrong when we were told that we weren’t wanted. It went wrong when the people complained that the glasses were ugly. It went wrong when I had to pull out a pair of glasses that were not correct and say this is the best we can do. Take it or leave it. It went wrong when the team questioned why people wouldn’t weep with joy when this type of care is offered.

During that trip I reflected on James 1:27 “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (NASB)

This is the Christianity that rings true to me. To look after the orphans and widows (aids orphans, the poor, the disenfranchised, those suffering from injustice, etc.) instead of building buildings and yelling about homosexuality and bad movies we need to change government policies to reflect Christian values – these are not the values currently expressed in the church. Keeping oneself unstained by the church is impossible and is where the concept of grace comes in.

This long rambling post comes down to this – I dislike Jerusalem, I dislike the church, I want to make a difference in the world. Not necessarily a difference via religion but a difference in people’s lives. This is why we’re here. This is why we put up with the cold and the inconvenience. This is why we will go to South Africa and hope and pray that I can find a job. This is me.