Swell is still working on her conclusion to our last village trip. She's training a contact lens new wearer right now so I have the computer. Why is she training said contact lens patient and not me? Because I refuse. It is not something I have the patience to do. If it were just me here in Nome there would be no new contact lens fits. But it isn't just me so there are new contact lens fits.
Following my last post an anonymous commenter (probably my Ma?) made a comment that actually encapsulates all of the struggles we're having right now. I thought that the comment bears a post of its own.
Life After Nome
Swell is really struggling with life right now because ever since she met me life has become Life After...
After we finish school and get married life will start.
After we find better jobs in the Portland/Vancouver area life will start.
After we move to Atlanta life will start.
After I finish school life will start.
After we come back from Palestine life will start.
After we find new jobs in Atlanta life will start.
After you can quit your terrible Eye Gallery job life will start.
After we get to Nome life will start.
After we finish in Nome life will start.
But here we are finishing up in Nome and we're stuck with a house that isn't going to sell in a city we're not terribly fond of. So when will our life start? And what is Life?
The comment: "Ethiopia? starving children? flies/bugs? no/low pay? boy I wish I could volunteer....NOT.
No planned visit from here - not even a stirring of desire - now, New Zealand - how's that going?"
Now I want the commenter to know that I'm not making fun of their comment at all. It really is appropriate to the discussions that Swell and I have been having of late.
Ethiopia? Why not for me. But why? for Swell. Can our Life be found in Ethiopia? Is there anything there to move us forward in Life?
This is where the definition of Life comes into question. Life by the definition that we're raised with in the west is to get an education, get married, get a good paying job, buy a house, have kids, buy a bigger house, raise said kids, put them through college so that they can get an education, get married, get a good paying job, buy a house....
Is that life? Is that a Christian life? What if in the midst of the above we throw in volunteer with charities, give of our time and money to the church and worthwhile causes? Does that make life Life?
Perhaps. And that is our struggle.
What is the meaning of our Life? What are we put here to accomplish.
Swell made the very teary and thought provoking comment a few weeks ago after she listened to me working in a village for 14 hours. "There has to be more to Life than 'which is better 1 or 2'". And there is. And there has to be.
But is that more for us to be found in Atlanta? In Seattle? In Edmonton? Or in Ethiopia/Tanzania/China/India/Insert developing country of your choice?
"Starving Children". For me, Yes! Starving Children. I want to be near my brothers and sisters who are dying by my greed. I don't want to go and hold them and preach "I've seen poverty!" in multi-million dollar churches or in the living rooms of my neighbours. I want to go and be poor. Not so that I am more righteous but so that I can get to the core of Life. So that I can experience Life more abundantly. But at the same time I don't want to be the stereotypical westerner who returns from a visit to a developing country claiming to have changed the world by building a house or digging a latrine. I want to return and say I did my best to leave lasting change. I educated. I was educated. I heard what the community needed and I helped them meet that need.
For Swell its more like starving children? what if I want children when does that life begin? But at the same time deep in her is the desire to meet needs. Her passion has been simmering for a long time and it han't been met in her optometric jobs. "There has to be more" has become her motto. "Does that more have to be somewhere else?" has become her question.
"Flies/bugs?" I agree with this one! I like living in Northern climates. Far fewer bugs. Swell likes bugs - especially giant flying cockroaches that join her in the shower. Just ask her.
"No/low pay?" Now this is the crux of our problems. I have student loans. Lots and lots of student loans. Those loans are the only reason I need money. As Swell so often says "I know you'd be happy living in a box under a bridge but not me!" I would be happy in a box under a bridge (but not in Nome. Too cold.) I'm happy in our condo too. Its a nice condo. Maybe I'm too happy in it. Thats the problem. What are we to do with our Life? Are we to live the western Life of work and spend? Is work and spend worse than work and save? What about work and give away? What is the correct combination of work, and spend, and save, and give away?
I have a sticker on my bus - oh, how I miss my bus - it is four simple words: Work. Buy. Consume. Die.
Is that Life?
Swell, probably like most women, needs a safety net. Her heart goes crazy when we're low on money (which hasn't happened much). Is that Life? As Christians should we worry about that? In our day to day life? What about as retirement approaches? Should we be storing our treasures?
Swell is very good about doing without. She had to for much of her younger days. Now as an adult with a job and an education is it fair to ask her to do without? Or is consumption part of Life ? How much consumption?
New Zealand? We haven't heard yet.
These are the questions that continue to swirl around us here in Nome. Questions that we don't have answers to. Questions that need answers.
Life?
Yes, please.
US Imperialism - Military Forces
6 years ago
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3 comments:
Hence the verse "be content in whatever circumstances you are in?" Problem to figure out is if you are putting yourself in that circumstance or is God putting you there? I wonder if Swell would be more content if you just settled in one place for a period of time, rather than a few months here, and a few months somewhere else? If you go to all these different places and "help", how does God get the glory? There are humanitarians that aren't Christian so they do good work but we are called to forward the Kingdom. Jesus said that the poor will always be with us - he always addressed the spiritual poverty of people - how does that fit for you?
I don't envy your struggle - and because I don't have any problem accumulating, giving, volunteering and living in my western world of affluence - I can't even share the anguish you feel about what is the "right" thing to do. I guess "bloom where you are planted" would fit. Now you have to figure out where God wants to plant you. And God definitely will want to plant you both in the same place, so He has to tell BOTH of you the right thing to do.
We love you both. We want you home. But, as usual, we know God knows what He wants to do with your lives, and to desire anything different from His plan is fruitless (in more ways than one!).
We'll keep praying for God's clear direction for you.
Love Mum
One thing that I read recently that really hit home with the whole "missionary/Humanitarian" work style of life for me was this writer said the biggest problem with missionary work or going into a field to help people is that noone ever stays long enough for the gospel to be planted and grow. It's one thing to go somewhere give them a quick fix stay there for a bit and then take off and feel like you're helping them (which you are don't get me wrong!) but it's another thing to stay there and help them grow from that, help them become stronger. I guess that's why different people are called to do different parts. But that really hit home for me because it's also something Jesus did in the bible. He would tell the apostles to go preach the good news, but then he would tell some of them to stay there. To build them. Maybe your mums right in some context that perhaps staying somewhere for a while is in need. Not only for your life but for others. Maybe that is life. Planting seeds, and watching them grow.
Obviously many of us would like to see you live life in the western world out of fears of safety, and health, and building of your family. But wherever it is, i don't think that God intended for your heart to worry about where your life is going or where you should go. Sometimes i think and to quote Rob Bell "the good lord is just saying...Yep". As in just take it as it comes. Which i know you know.
But i'm just curious, would it hurt to settle down for a while, perhaps build a family if that's in the cards live in the western world to pay bills and then travel to the third worlds and live that life? Essentially i'm sure your life is long although we can't pressume to know Gods plan, but I can imagine doing both wouldn't hurt? Especially if you have loans lingering, it might be better to get them out of the way, perhaps get healthier on the nicole side of things.
i don't know i could just be rambling. But, regardless of what you chose we all love you both.
xo J LOVE!
Sometimes I wonder if there isn't something wrong with me because I don't struggle more with my overconsumption and self centered life.
I know how much you despise the mega churches that feed themselves like a cancer but my former church (we've since moved to a smaller church - a plant of the larger one) gave and gave and gave away money. Gave money to missionaries locally and abroad, to families in crisis, to other churches, to programs helping homeless teens, to helping the university ministry which reaches so many kids on campus... Money isn't such a bad thing in the right hands and the right heart. I have friends who work for large well known corporations up here in Seattle and they have the mortgage, nice cars, blah, blah, blah... but they also give and give and give of their time and money.
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