The Weekend That Was

I wrote the following over many hours (between patients, at lunch, after work, etc.) and after posting it and reading it, it barely makes sense and I'm too lazy to fix it. C'est la vie, non?

Swell’s parents are leaving early tomorrow morning. It was a nice visit. On Sunday we celebrated Christmas with games, a continuous finger food buffet, and gifts. On our Boxing Day (Monday) we went to the aquarium and someone (ME) made a fabulous dinner and more games were played.

On Tuesday it was Swell’s birthday.

Why is it that a description of my beautiful wife’s birthday requires me to write about a multi-national corporation’s public relations, public health work and a boss who takes advantage of me?

It is necessary because I’m a fool and December 4th is Home Town Day.

What is Home Town Day? Well, that would be a billion dollar multi-national corporation’s attempt to show the people it consistently rips off that it is a good corporate citizen.

Home Town Day is one prong of Luxotica’s four pronged blitzkrieg of preventable vision impairment.

Prong 1 is regular Gift of Sight exams. In the office I work at we do 1 exam a week for free. The individual also receives free glasses from Lenscrafters/Luxotica.

Prong 2 is the Vision Van. This is a motor home/truck dealie that is equipped with two exam lanes that is used to do “eye exams” on individuals in need who are then also given free glasses from a nearby Lenscrafters.

Prong 3 is Home Town Day where a number of hours are set aside to see many needy people who are then given free glasses from Lenscrafters/Luxotica.

Prong 4 is an abomination to all that is good and is known as the Gift of Sight international programs. A huge waste of money from a public health standpoint but never ending PR for the Luxotica family.

Flashback

6 weeks ago.

Bosssss Home Town Day is December 4. Can you volunteer and see some patients that day?
Me I am going to have to kindly decline due to philosophical difficulties I have with Home Town Day.
Bosssss OK. I was just hoping you’d help out.

Saturday December 1, 2007

Bossss I’m going to give you a project that you won’t get paid for and is really beyond the realm of what an independent contractor should really do because I don’t think you’ve been busy enough lately.
Me Ok. but if you think I’m actually going to do it you’ve got another think coming.
Bossss See you next week.

10 minutes pass

Worker Bossss is on the phone for you.

Me Hello?

Bossss Home Town Day is on Tuesday. Can you come in at 9 (an hour early) and help me out? I’ll be there at 8:30am and start everything you just come in at 9 and help out.

Me Ummmm…fine.

Tuesday, December 4

Walking into the store at exactly 9 am I realize that there are about 15 homeless people sitting in the waiting room with plates full of Christmas cookies and Chick Fil A chicken nuggets waiting to be seen for their free eye exams.

I head immediately to the back office to put my things down when I am told that there are people seated in the exam rooms ready to go.

Me Where is Bossss?
Office Manager He’s not here yet.

This is where I said a few choice things about: i) A waiting room full of people, ii) The fact that I said I didn’t want to do this weeks ago, and iii) Bossss not being at the office yet.

With those appropriately chosen words I went off to see my first patient.

You should know that when I see a waiting room full of people I have a physiological change. I become very tense, my heart rate increases, I begin to sweat a little and I have trouble breathing. Basically I have a mini panic attack. So when I said my choice words I was in that state.

After seeing a bunch of these good-for-nothing, lazy, unemployed, drunken homeless people the preceding was sarcasm for those that don’t know me Bossss took me aside to make sure that I wasn’t about to quit. Apparently office manager was upset with Bossss for not being on time. Bossss is habitually late and purposefully decided to come in late on Home Town Day due to his belief that homeless people will always show up late.

They didn’t.

He did.

I was mad at Bossss.

Office manager was mad at Bossss.

Bossss was mad at office manager as office manager let Bossss have it via multiple phone calls between 8:15 and 9:15. And a curt discussion in the office at 9:15.

I assured bossss that I wasn’t about to quit but I had in fact stated my displeasure to office manager. He was slightly taken aback but the three of us had a little sit-down and worked out our differences. Well until I'm forced to participate in the next Gift of Sight program that makes its way to our great office.

How can I be opposed to a program that gives free eye exams to needy people? This program is about getting as many people through the door as possible without impacting the day-to-day operations. That means they get 5 minute exams and a kick-in-the pants along with their Christmas cookies.

I don’t mind the weekly Gift of Sight patients as they get a regular exam slot. Home Town Day patients on the other hand…


So anyway I saw a bunch of needy folks and then the real patients started to come in at 10:30. With their arrival Bossss left for his day off. Within the onslaught of real patients a few Home Town Day stragglers also came in.

Due to Bossss’s lateness, and his early departure I ended up seeing more Home Town Day patients than he did.

All this despite my earlier declaration that I didn’t want to participate.

Oh well.

By the time 7 rolled around I had been working quite steadily since 9 that morning. I was tired and grumpy due to the circumstances surrounding the day and we still needed to go out for Swell’s birthday dinner.

Next year I’ll take the day off.

Upon the sight of Swell I cheered up and we were able to enjoy a nice dinner at Dante’s Down the Hatch (a cool divey-looking fondue place). I think her parents enjoyed it although her Dad was yelled at during the cheese-fondue appetizer. (He insisted on touching the pot despite being told not to by the girl in charge of keeping our flame lit. Boy could she light a flame! His touching the pot and breaking the rules caused great concern and the exclamation of Stop It! by the two ladies at our table. This in turn caused him to want to touch the pot some more… and the saga began.)

Following way too much food we drove to a local coffee/wine bar for birthday cake. Swell had the great idea of doing this rather than buying a cake because she knows I really don’t need to have left over cake in the house. We shared three pieces of cake between the four of us… well really two pieces between the three of us and an unnamed 50 something man had a piece mostly to himself. Which was the plan.

The evening ended with Swell receiving some birthday gifts. It was a nice birthday I think. She’s old now but still really cute.

Due to her birthday and our “Christmas celebration” our lists have been amended (we'll try to add more ideas if needed.)

Sheepie
Swell